They say that your relationships and feeling towards people are a reflection of who you are and how you view yourself.
I think it may ring true for me. And I think it makes loving others difficult.
I see too much of what I hate of myself in them–and that’s not to say that they’re flawed. It’s that I am.
I think too much about the judgmental nature of some of my family and friends.
I’m lazy and often make excuses for myself even though I’m unhappy with where I am and what I’m doing.
I don’t know how to not feel inadequate at the end of most days.
I want people to be stronger and smarter than me, because I hate looking at them and knowing that I may as well be looking at my reflection.
So I cling to the people that remind me of the strength that I wish I had, and admire them. I don’t make judgments on their mistakes. I keep most people at a distance. I lose my patience so quickly with the people that remind me of all the flaws I have or have had. I want them to get stronger and do better, because I’m screaming at myself every day to do the same.
Maybe I’m tired of telling myself as well as others.
Maybe It’s just the feeling of mediocrity that keeps jabbing at me. I know we’re all doing the best we can–the best we know how to…but I’ve always been less forgiving of myself for not being and knowing and doing better.
You have, too, haven’t you?
In fact, the relationship you have with yourself might be the hardest relationship you’ll ever have. Everything else is just branches and leaves.